RED FANG

Where the hell was I? Oh yeah… Buffalo, NY 11/26/11 Okay, so we stopped at Niagara Falls, and it was great and beautiful and all that shit: But the best part was the signs that they have all around the park. While we only spotted maybe three that actually told you anything you wanted to know about the waterfall (that fact that 650,000 gallons a second gave over that bad boy was pretty badass) there was a few others that really got us thinking. Here’s a couple favorites. If you really need this sign to tell you it’s a bad idea to crawl over the fence, well—maybe you should climb over the fence. And it turns out, if the sidewalks get wet up there, it makes you dance like an extra in the Thriller video. Washington DC 11/27/11 On the way to the show we got stuck in a traffic jam that lasted close to three years. When we finally got moving (at this point we were already an hour late to load in and close to two hours from the club) the lady behind us was nice enough to rear-end us. At the ti...

Okay, we gotta lot of ground to cover, so let’s get to it: Indianapolis, IN. 11/17/11 Yeah, this really happened. Barney the fucking purple dinosaur was doing a show in the same building. I know what your thinking, and the answer is yes, he does have really good weed. (Just kidding Barney’s lawyers, I have no idea what his weed is like.) Pittsburgh, PA 11/18/11 There was a time when I’d take notes about what happened in every city so I could remember any funny shit that went down. This was not one of those times. New York, NY 11/19/11 1,800 people in the door before the boys went on. 1,800! Now, I’m no mathamagician but that’s almost a million. Aaron got so excited that his pants broke out in a thick brown sweat: Philadelphia, PA 11/20/11 This is our old friend Paula: She’s a total badass. She’s played bass in Whipped, Tourette’s Lautrec and a bunch of other bitchin’ bands, she’s one of the founding members of Camp Fantasy, a world traveler, has beat the big C and is now a lawyer. She ...

Chicago, IL. 11/11/11 What the hell did happen in Chicago? It must have been a good one because I have no photos or memory of anything. Milwaukee, WI. 11/12/11 What in Paul’s bunion did John do to make the photo look like this? Does he have a “Gary Busey’s brain” setting on that thing or what? Wait! We were trying to figure out why our green room looked as if Keith Richards’ interior decorator got hold of some bad E: Maybe the entire club was cloaked in Timothy Leary’s ghost. On mushrooms. Sauget,IL. 11/13/11 I wish that we were a crappy art rock band so that I could just put up this photo I took of the power plant behind the club and write a poem about the bands dark brooding feelings. All the while twirling the end of my scarf with my fingerless glove clad, imported cigarette-clutching fingers. You would be able to feel the angst we harbored towards our parents for not getting us leather seats in the Lexus we got for high school graduation in every line. It would be deep! But on the ...

Well John lost his camera again, big surprise. So most of the photos in this edition of the blog are what I could piece together from our phones. 11/5/11 Portland. OR. One thing I have never understood is the lack of women at Red Fang shows. Think about it, there is never a line for the women’s room, you know that there is always going to be a surplus of t-shirts in your size and there is a ton of single men. Sure the majority of them look like this: But hey, at least you know they have a lock on all the good spots to eat in town. For that matter you’d think there would be more Bears at the shows, hmm… 11/6/11 Seattle, WA. You know, now that I’m thinking about it maybe we should turn all the shows into singles mixers. It could be a speed dating type thing, but instead of sitting down at a table and talking for two minutes you have to do the old yell in each other’s ears trick and switch at the end of every song. Then if you like the person you say “Hold my jacket, I’m going in the pit!...