RED FANG

Saturday was Record Store Day and we celebrated by playing a free all ages set at one of our favorites, Jackpot Records in downtown Portland. It was early, it was hot, and it was a total blast! Although, the crowd was a big, blurry, scary monster ... Thanks to Sizzle Pie for bringing down some free peis for the masses - you guys are the best pizza in Portland, and you're cool dudes to boot. Later on in the day, we headed down to Eugene to play a birthday party and get weird with some weirdos. Finally got see Old Kingdom , the hot new Portland sensation. They did not disappoint! Check them out if you get a chance. The whole night was a blast and the Dave, the birthday boy, seemed pretty stoked at the end. Dave, I hope you don't feel too shitty today. Happy Birthday, dude. Sorry this post lacks the usual wit and humor, but our Road Chief, Chris Coyle, wasn't able to be with us yesterday so I'm trying to get a post up on my own.. He's better at this, fo sho

So are you sick of me talking about all the driving yet? Well guess what we did directly after the show, that’s right drove through the night again! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah! It was around this time that I realized that everyone in the van had stopped buying any liquid that might be considered a downer, like water. If it didn’t stop you from blinking we wanted nothing to do with it and there better be enough of it to fill a hot tub. Never one to skimp on hygiene, Bryan took the time in the van to clean up: Luckily he can change his own litter box. —Coyle Tour To Live!

It’s a pretty safe bet that most folks out there would think the toughest part of putting out a new record is the process of writing new songs, but those people would be wrong. Playing music is what these guys do, I don’t want to make it sound like they just go to the bathroom and drop out a new jam, clean up with a little T.P. and plop it down on to tape—there is a lot of blood, sweat and beers (Oh man, that's a record title right there) that go into every song. The problems start when you try to get four guys to agree on tracks, track listing (the order of the songs on the record), title and artwork. This is not because they fight each other (for the most part) but because no one will put their foot down, in fear of being the guy who came up with the name no one likes. The end result is much like a pack of monkeys trying to hump a football, it’s kind of awkward to watch and nothing comes of it. So being the team player I am I came up with a bunch of album titles for them. They al

If you’re following the blog you’ll know that the last show was in Seattle, so we had a big drive ahead of us. That was nothing new for this tour by this point we had gotten used to life in the van. We’d adapted a whole new skill set that would have even the world's top scientists scurrying to get their clipboards. It’s like some Jane Goodall shit. For example John has what we refer to in the van as “a gerbil bladder” which means that even the sight of more than three ounces of water gets him holding his crotch and jumping up and down like a six year old. But he’s figured away past that by always having a few empty Gatorade bottles in the van to fill up: Important tip: Always mark the pee bottles. After a few weeks of malnourishment your pee can be confused with most Gatorade. In color and taste. I know I make a lot of jokes about farts but the sad fact is that when most of your food comes from truck stops there is times when the van sounds like the horn section from the Boston Phi

Man, if you thought Portland was boring, you going to be really bummed on this one. —Coyle Tour To Live!

This is suppose to be the blog post where I talk about all the insanity that happened when we got home, showing the rest of the bands on tour how Portland does it and the like. You know, dragging them through the underbelly of the Rose City, the strip clubs with the pregnant girls and topless eighty-year-old waitresses, the back alley after hours clubs where shots are served by a one-eyed Russian named Juan and a early morning panic filled cab ride to a “animal hospital” with a secret back door. But, alas, we were all so tired that most of us were asleep in our own beds before the show even ended. Rock n’ Roll! —Coyle Tour To Live!

I know most of you must look at us with all of our designer clothes, expensive jewelry, moon diamond encrusted teeth and think “Wow, those guys must be rolling in the loot!” But the truth is, everyone of us still has a day job. While getting weeks off at a time is chore in itself, it’s even harder for Bryan and I since we both work at the same bar. It’s not as bad as when John, Bryan and I all worked there, but it still sucks. Now I don’t know about where you’re from but jobs are tough to come by in Portland, some one has to die (and you better hope you heard about it before their unemployed roommate) in order to get decent service industry job. With the touring schedule we have this year Bryan and I have about a doughnuts chance in a fat camp we’ll have jobs when we get home, but that’s not going to stop us from trying everything we can to hold on: —Coyle Tour To Live!

I’m really at a loss as to what I should write about Kansas. It’s not that I don’t have any fodder, there is plenty of crap to write about. It was David’s birthday, we got him good and loose. My friend Eugene who I hadn’t seen in close to twenty years showed up and surprised the hell out of me. That ruled. Bryan met back up with us after being gone for a couple days and his grandma was feeling way better, that made us all real happy. I’m just not sure what ties it all together… Wait a minute, did I just tie them together with the fact that I can’t tie them together? God damn I’m good. —Coyle Tour To Live!