RED FANG

Bremen, Germany 1/18/12 The best part about traveling to foreign countries is learning about the cultures. Take for instance the fact that Germans absolutely hate the Scorpions. Bringing up an affinity for the Scorps will get you a look normally reserved for someone who just had their finger rip through the toilet paper—a combination of disgust and sheer disappointment followed by anger. People get mad, like normal conversation in English one minute to screaming at you in German the next type mad. Brussels, Belgium 1/19/12 First of all, I’d like to say, “Fuck yes Brussels!” Never have been treated with such an overwhelming response. We thank you from the bottoms of our enlarged, aorta blocked by of piece of cheese, tar ball bouncing around the chambers hearts. It makes me wish I had been able to leave the venue and check out the city. That is, besides the outdoor urinals in the alley behind the club. But no such luck. So instead I want to take this time to introduce you to our dri...

Stockholm, Sweden 1/14/12 I did a lot of thinking at this show. As I stood in the middle of a crowd made up of 2,000 screaming Swedish fans I thought back to the first show that the boys ever played six years ago on new years eve in David’s basement. I thought about the first tour in a van dubbed “brownstar” that had no seats and a wicked exhaust leak. I thought about me singing songs at shows because the clubs wouldn’t give drink tickets to non-band members. I thought about playing to three people in a bar in Alameda, California that had used sex toys in the vending machine. I thought about all the cat piss drenched couches, concrete floors and sidewalks we’ve slept on. The thousands of hours we’ve spent driving from one side of the U.S. to the other and joking about “when we go to Europe” never actually thinking it would happen. I though about how proud, excited and happy I was of the four boys on stage giving it everything they got and I started to tear up. Then I thought maybe afte...

Where the hell was I? Oh yeah… Buffalo, NY 11/26/11 Okay, so we stopped at Niagara Falls, and it was great and beautiful and all that shit: But the best part was the signs that they have all around the park. While we only spotted maybe three that actually told you anything you wanted to know about the waterfall (that fact that 650,000 gallons a second gave over that bad boy was pretty badass) there was a few others that really got us thinking. Here’s a couple favorites. If you really need this sign to tell you it’s a bad idea to crawl over the fence, well—maybe you should climb over the fence. And it turns out, if the sidewalks get wet up there, it makes you dance like an extra in the Thriller video. Washington DC 11/27/11 On the way to the show we got stuck in a traffic jam that lasted close to three years. When we finally got moving (at this point we were already an hour late to load in and close to two hours from the club) the lady behind us was nice enough to rear-end us. At the ti...

Okay, we gotta lot of ground to cover, so let’s get to it: Indianapolis, IN. 11/17/11 Yeah, this really happened. Barney the fucking purple dinosaur was doing a show in the same building. I know what your thinking, and the answer is yes, he does have really good weed. (Just kidding Barney’s lawyers, I have no idea what his weed is like.) Pittsburgh, PA 11/18/11 There was a time when I’d take notes about what happened in every city so I could remember any funny shit that went down. This was not one of those times. New York, NY 11/19/11 1,800 people in the door before the boys went on. 1,800! Now, I’m no mathamagician but that’s almost a million. Aaron got so excited that his pants broke out in a thick brown sweat: Philadelphia, PA 11/20/11 This is our old friend Paula: She’s a total badass. She’s played bass in Whipped, Tourette’s Lautrec and a bunch of other bitchin’ bands, she’s one of the founding members of Camp Fantasy, a world traveler, has beat the big C and is now a lawyer. She ...