RED FANG

So are you sick of me talking about all the driving yet? Well guess what we did directly after the show, that’s right drove through the night again! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah! It was around this time that I realized that everyone in the van had stopped buying any liquid that might be considered a downer, like water. If it didn’t stop you from blinking we wanted nothing to do with it and there better be enough of it to fill a hot tub. Never one to skimp on hygiene, Bryan took the time in the van to clean up: Luckily he can change his own litter box. —Coyle Tour To Live!

Los Angeles, CA 3/13/11 After bedding down for an extravagant three hours of sleep in San Francisco we jumped in the car and headed south to L.A. where we met up Lady Time aka/ Lady Fang aka/ Lizzy, Felicia, Ellen, Maureen, Meagan and Sera who were in town to be part of the studio audience for America’s Funniest Videos (yes, it’s still a show and yes they love it. I don’t get it either.) We all go to watch as Forgash tried to do his best Frampton Comes Alive impression: After the show our old friend Rynne invited us back to her place, which doesn’t sound that cool unless you know that Rynne is the longtime sweetheart of Danny Carey . Now I don’t want to sound like we are lining up to swing on Tool’s nuts like a bunch of spring breakers on a Lake Havasu rope swing but Rynne and Danny are two badass motherfuckers. You wanna talk about people that have every excuse to be assholes and are the nicest people ever… and I don’t want to splash their shit all over the web but the guest house...

San Diego is always a mixed bag for me. Always our favorite stop on tour, we’ve yet to have a bad time which also kinda sucks. Ya’ see, I’m a lazy man. In fact my favorite part of tour is that while we drive from city to city I can just lie around and not feel guilty about it. Who’s gonna blame you for not getting anything done when you had a eight hour drive straight in to a load in? Just whip up a quick blog with enough typos and grammatical errors to make a third grader cringe and it’s back to my normal van routine. But every time we get to San Diego so much shit goes down that my life is turned topsy-turvy. Just editing and resizing the photos alone is going to take four hours, which really cuts down on my Angry Birds time. Then I have to come up with something that links all the photos together, and god knows how long that could take. Just trying to explain what the hell is going on in these photos alone is could take an hour… …so there goes nap time. Then you throw in a couple of...

San Diego is always our favorite part of tour. For going on ten years our good friends at the OTRO house have taken us in, nursed us back to health, fed us, and then left us with some of the worst hangovers of our lives. The kind of hangovers where you feel like you’re spelunking in a pain cave without any water and the only flashlight you have is a hundred pound strobe light that is medically implanted into your brain. The kind that you would be really bummed about if you hadn’t spent the entire night laughing so hard you cried with ten of your favorite people in the world. This time would be no exception. Our show in Mesa ended early so we made the executive decision to make the six-hour trek over night so we could wake up in SD and have the rest of the day off. First things first though, we needed to stock up on crappy energy drinks. As a general rule the worse the name, the better the chance that they are going to be more like the water from a meth lab mop bucket, in both taste and...

Wow, it’s real hard to tell you about life on the road now that I have spent the last twenty-four hours in the comfort of my own home doing what ever the hell it is I wanna do. Eat scrambled eggs naked? Sure. Fart without having to let everyone know so they can roll down the windows? Can do. The world is my oyster. But I must finish what I started, no matter how loudly my brain tells me to wander the streets aimlessly strictly because I can. So here we go. First thing’s first, a big “Fuck yeah!” goes out to the entire west coast. We have never been received so well as this time around. Thanks. Alot. 3/26/09 Los Angeles, Ca. Why lie? Damn near ever time we’ve played L.A. in the last couple of years has gone over like a fart at a funeral. But this time around people actually showed up. It was crazy. I know when Frank Sinatra sang “If you can make it there/ You’ll make it anywhere” it was about New York, but I swear that L.A. is a tougher crowd. After the show we packed up and headed to S...