RED FANG

Okay, this is starting to get stupid. John can take crisp, perfectly in focus photos all night long but as soon as the crowd shot comes into play, there is a monkey with a brain injury pressing the shutter button. I think he took this before they even played. Whatever. This cold weather crap is for the birds. Wait, no it’s not, because even birds are smart enough to bounce the hell out when the thermostat starts dropping. I mean, come on, it’s October for Christ’s sake. We should not be scraping the windshield, and by we I mean Aaron, while I smoked and took photos. The drive from Denver to Lawrence takes around nine hours and you lose an hour in the process. As far as drives go this one is right between frontal lobotomy and coma on the mind numbing scale, luckily the weather was bad enough to keep us on our toes. The van was so cold the wheels put on one of those shitty dreadlock hats to try and stay warm: The doors opened for the show at 6:00, so we, of course, rolled in at 6:15 whic...

First off, can I get a “Hell yeah!” for Denver? Man, Denver always kicks so much ass and last night was no exception. That being said, if I never did the drive between Salt Lake City and Denver again it would be way to soon. It always looks exactly like this: The same horizon for a quarter bajillion miles and the threat of a snowstorm—even in July. And there is always a 2:00 PM load in time or some crap like that, so you have to leave SLC at 4:00 AM. Oh well, the people in Denver always make that drive worth it. The things you do for love… On the drive Bryan came up with another one of his million dollar ideas, the gaming hood: How does it work you ask? It’s easy. You simply take a t-shirt (For the authentic version, wear the shirt for a few days straight. Don’t forget to play three rock shows while wearing it) and stick it over your head. Now grab your PSP or game boy (if you currently live in 1986) and cram it in there with your head to create your own video game paradise. Now do you...

So as I told you earlier, the radiator in the van sprang a leak somewhere between the hotel and breakfast. You know, I never noticed but my ass looks great in those jeans. Don’t believe me? Take a closer look: It’s like a furry little peach. Don’t you just want to take a bite? But on a serious note why was John taking pictures of my ass crack? And why is every crowd shot completely out of focus but this photo is as clear as a mountain stream? A. Little. Bit. Creepy. Back to the van. At first we thought is was going to take at least a day before they could fix it, which meant one of two things: We would miss one, possibly two shows or I was going to be staying in Idaho Falls while the boys jumped in a rental car and borrowed gear from the other bands ‘till I could meet up with them down the road. Luckily, John found a guy on the other side of town with the part that we bribed with a hundred bucks to drop what he was doing and put in our radiator. Now the trouble was that is was 4:45, we...

We had a day off between Missoula and Layton so we decided to take a little detour into Yellowstone, you know, get in touch with nature and shit. We made it into the park with a couple hours of daylight left and made a mad dash to soak in as much as possible. For those of you who have never been, Yellowstone is an amazing display of geothermal energy. Everywhere you look there are things that will blow your mind. Such as fumaroles, which are these gigantic holes in the ground that sound like a jet engine spewing out a sulfur smelling cloud of steam. Or these pools of boiling mud: Or this patch of acidic bacteria, which they say can burn through boots. Wait a minute. Sulfur smelling clouds? Boiling mud? Pools of bacteria? We got our own little Yellowstone in the van! We couldn’t be drive all that way without seeing Old Faithful. Come on, that would be like going to Tijuana and not seeing the donkey show. What? Anyway, when we arrived, we were told that it was due to go off within the ne...

Came out of breakfast to find about a half gallon of anti-freeze in a puddle underneath the van. After a visit to the Ford dealer, we were told the radiator that we had paid an unholy amount to have put in not seven months agow was already dead and it was going to be until tomorrow 'til he could get a new one. Making not only tonight's show but tomorrow's sorta like a Juggalo without Fago, non-existant. But Sherman saved the day, finding another garage across town that not only had the part, but would rush it for us. So, $800 dollars later, we are currently in a mad dash for Layton, Utah. Never a dull moment... -- Post from Coyle's pocket.

Woke up early and hit the road, Aaron was real excited about the six hour drive: We bought Snow Cat and Carl a new buddy along the way, we’re calling him Glowbra: That’s right, a glow in the dark cobra head. Jealous much? And it was only $2.99. Christmas came early this year folks. Saviours met up with us last night: They’ll be on the rest of the tour with us, I will make sure to keep you up on the debauchery that is sure to ensue. Them boys aren’t afraid to look a party in dead in the eye and say, “You wanna go?” After the show we stayed with our new friend Cameron who lives in an awesome Quonset hut that was converted into a recording studio check it out here . He and his wife completely took care of us, feeding us, and letting us louse up both their shower and couches. Thanks Cameron. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I can swear during the last tour I said there was a better chance of me taking a cheese grader to my genitals than me ever get back in the van with these guys if the thermo...

John’s battery died right as he went to take the crowd shot, so instead here is a drawing of the boys on stage by a nice lady who’s name I can not remember. I know, total dick move. The adventure started early on when we stopped for gas at a small town in southern Washington. We were waiting for the bathroom and kept hearing strange yelping noises and what sounded like someone hitting a small bell with an oversized hammer. It took a couple of minutes to figure out that is the man in the phone booth across the parking lot. From what we could figure out his love life had shit the bed, causing him to repeatedly bash the headset of the phone into the receiver and scream, “Where the fuck did you sleep last night!?” Over and over again. Maybe the huge Meth Watch sign on the way into town should have tipped us off… The show was great. Been looking forward to seeing Bison B.C. for a while now and they didn’t disappoint. Brutal awesomeness (Wow, awesomeness is a word? No spell check. Huh.) Any...