Saturday, October 17, 2009

Pontiac, Michigan 10/13/09- Columbus, Ohio 10/15/09

Quick note: I put this in one solid post so you could read it in order instead of having to start at the bottom. Also this, like 99% of this blog, was written in the back of a van doing 75 MPH, crammed filled with a bunch of dudes crawling all over, filling said van with their own brand of noxious gasses and generally being distracting. So I apologize for any typos.
You know what scratch that. No I don’t. You’re reading a blog written by a high school graduate about a bunch of dudes driving around the countryside playing heavy rock music. What do you expect, Hemmingway?

All right we got a lot of ground to cover, you comfy? In your favorite chair, maybe a nice cup of coco or a white wine spritzer? Okay let’s go.

Pontiac, Michigan 10/13/09

As to keep with his tradition of keeping me pissed off, John took yet another crap crowd photo:
Surprise, huh?

For the life of me I cannot remember the bartenders name at the Crofoot. but he is a hell of a nice guy. If you ever stop by keep an eye out for these:
After the show we found a cheap hotel a couple miles out of town and had just got done checking in when we decided some late night food was in order. Before we knew it all three bands were spitting out orders like bidders at an auction. “Can you get me a bean burrito?” The first person would blurt out. “Oh! Yeah, I want a bean burrito too, and a chicken soft taco.” Would come from the back of the crowd. “Chicken soft taco and a steak Chalupa with green sauce!” Next thing you know there was a laundry list as long as my forearm of horrible Mexican-ish food that was guaranteed to make the line for the bathroom at least nine deep for the entirety of tomorrow nights show.

We got back to the hotel, split up the booty, ate up and watching some tube when everyone started noticing a smell that was similar to a combination of exotic cheese and a wild boar. It didn’t take long to track the stank to Bryan’s feet:
I never knew a photo could have a scent.

Bryan washed up and made sure to get the Beam seal of approval:

We were all about to go to sleep when Laura and Dave from Kylesa and Sonny from Saviours busted in the door:
When we tried to tell them we were going to bed Laura had this to say:

That’s when things got a little weird:
Don’t ask. Seriously, it’s better if you don’t.

Woke up the next morning and headed out in search of some breakfast. It didn’t take long to make up our minds once we saw the sign for Pete’s Ham Center. Not a person in the place under the age of fifty, still had a smoking section, and you got all this for under five bucks:
If you ever find yourself in the Pontiac area, look it up.

Cleveland, Ohio 10/14/09

For the first time I am glad John "lost" the crowd shot.

As I mentioned earlier, Cyrus had defected from the Saviours van and jumped in with us in Chicago. I guess he liked it enough to stay on with us for the next day, which we were more than happy about.

I’m pretty sure the nine people who read this blog probably know Cyrus, but just in case you are one of the few people who we don’t know, I don’t know, maybe you ended up here looking for a blog about animal dentistry or just googled “crap no one cares about” I’ll tell you a little about our good friend Mr. Comiskey.
Cyrus is the type of guy that everything seems to roll right off of. Never bummed, just trucking on down that rock and roll highway… His love for music is not that of your average headbanger, sure he’s got some Slayer tunes on his Ipod but they are right next to some Seals and Croft. The first time we met I ended up in his “record room” (a full size bedroom at his old place stacked floor to ceiling with LP’s, seven inches, and cassette tapes) ‘till the wee hours while he asked me questions that only the true music fan could appreciate. “Man, you ever listen to the backup vocals on this Joe Jackson record?” “What do you mean you never noticed the chord progression on this Prince album?”
In addition to playing in Saviours he also plays with long time Oakland heroes Drunk Horse and a Bob Seger cover band called “Total B.S.” Go ahead, click on them links, I’ll wait.

Alright, so needless to say having him in the van was a treat, he brought his Ipod along and entertained us with songs none of us had ever heard and descriptions like “Listen to this guitar solo, it’s like putting sour cream on yogurt!” In addition to pointing on some spots he had stumbled on along Saviours non-stop two year touring barrage. Such as this gem:

That’s right, a beef jerky outlet. The real deal too, no O’Boy O'berto crap, they make it in house. Look at all the different kinds:
Everything from original to flamethrower, which was so spicy it had Bryan looking liked he saw the bad side of a pepper spray can.

So, during the hotel hi-jinx the night before it was somehow decided that since it was the last show of tour, one person from each band was going to wear a pair of leather chaps that Saviours had in their van.
Why did they have a pair of black leather chaps in the van?
I have no clue.
Why did we think this was funny/ a good idea?
I have no clue.

All of us had forgot the conversation had ever occurred, but not Sonny. The first thing he asked when we got out of the van in Cleveland was “Which one of you guys is wearing the chaps?”

Now something else you should know is that Lionize had joined us for the last two shows of the tour, so the first time they had met us was the night before in Pontiac. They also had no idea of our previous nights agreement. So when Sonny entered the green room asking which one of them was going to wear the chaps he was met with looks that were similar to a Japanese tourist being talked to by that guy from the Micro Machines commercial.

After some explaining they were more than happy to join in:
Next up was Bryan who, not being chaps savvy, needed a little help from Sonny and Scott to get in them:
Take a second to break them in:
And it’s time to rock!
Look at that. Oh my god. It looks he has elephantiasis of the legs and is trying to hide it with a couple garbage bags.

Next up was Sonny. It was pretty uneventful since, I think, he really enjoys wearing them. You tell me:
Does that look like a man who’s uncomfortable? Nope.

There was a second there where none of the guys in Kylesa were going to wear the chaps, mostly because they didn’t fit anyone, but finally Marshall squeezed into ‘em, completing the circle of gross.
Marshall really rocked the hell out of them too, throwing his right foot on top of his floor tom a couple times to let the crowd soak in the leather clad leg that was hidden behind his drums for most of the show.

Time to break out the tissues it’s gonna get all sappy. If nothing this blog is a rollercoaster of emotion. Hey, you bought the ticket, take the ride.

We’ve been lucky over the last few years to tour with some amazing people who we now consider close friends, Birds of Avalon, The Fucking Champs, Clutch, and Early Man to name a few. Now we are honored to say that Kylesa and Saviours are on that list. Thanks guys and girls for an amazing tour, killing it every night, all the good times, laughs, stories and having us along. Let’s do it again real soon and keep them leathery tones comin’!

Columbus, Ohio 10/16/09

Okay it’s official—John is fucking with me. These are the two crowd photo options he gave me:

He better be or I’m going to have to train a bird to sit on his shoulder and take the photos. Maybe I’ll get him an eye patch as well. Just to tie the whole look together.

After we left the rest of the crew in The Cleve we still had one more show on our own in Columbus. We finally got to sleep in a little and woke up on our new friends Ryan, Bob and Bosely’s floor with a hunger and told them about our meal at Pete’s Ham Center, They instantly suggested their local favorite greasy spoon, Steve’s. Promises of cheap breakfast and tons of character were brushed off, due to the fact that we had thought we had already found our breakfast nirvana at Pete’s. Man, were we off the mark.

Steve’s is a hole in the wall on Lorain Ave that looks like it hasn’t been touched for forty years—by either gentrifying yuppies or a duster. Look at that menu:

Get in a little closer, click on the photo, don’t be afraid:
The most expensive thing on the menu is $5.25 and that’s for a diner served with mashed potatoes, cole slaw, bread and butter! “Yeah, sure Chris but do they have specials?” You ask. Check this out:

“Oh that’s great and all, but I bet they don’t have specials named after the local cops who frequent the place” you say. Blaaaow!

I had to go for “The Deuce” which was local speak for the two eggs, two strips of bacon, two sausage links, home fries and toast.

Bryan worked down a Slaw Dog and gave it two thumbs up while Aaron, Bob and Bosley worked on the mysteries of the jukebox, which, as far as we could figure, played the song that was two down and one over from which ever one you actually picked.

We bounced down to Columbus for a show at the CafĂ© Bourbon Street. I’m not going to lie to you, I didn’t get many photos because they had a Simpson’s pinball machine and Bryan and I have been itching to play some pinball this entire trip. And can tell you that the club was awesome as was it’s owner, Lou, who was more than generous to us all night long, They even fed us, which is always a treat on the road. I highly recommend The Extreme hot dog which has two all beef dogs, French fries, cole slaw, and BBQ sauce. I went the extra step towards my inevitable heart attack and got it with bacon.
You all caught up? All right, then I am going to get some sleep for our next thirteen-hour drive.

Man, looking back at all the crap we’ve ingested over the last few days it might be a good idea to see about getting one of those portable defibrillators for the van…


Tour To Live!


  1. I do believe the record room at Cyrus' house was called "the gold room" because it was actually painted gold. I also remember listening to a Jeff Beck record there and him saying "it was worth buying because of the sweet bass line on song 2."

  2. I also stopped at Beef Jerky Unlimited on the way back from the gig in Pontiac....that I drove up from Cleveland to see....and ended up not attending because I drank too much once I got into Michigan......

    That jalepeno beef is some good shit.

    Hell of a show at the Grog.

  3. Oh, THE CHAPS. This is good. This is funny. Cyrus should have worn them.

  4. You guys are really budding pioneers in Smell-o-Vision technology. Or so I keep sayin' anyways. chaps (paired witha Saint Vitus sweatshirt no less) a beef jerky outlet, reviews of a cheap greasy spoon eatery, and now you mentioned Early Man. How could I NOT keep reading this blog?

    Thanks for sharing the great road stories.


  5. all i know is that the gas station outside Cyrus' house is no joke at 3AM.