RED FANG

Man, I’ve been slacking on this blogging thing this tour. It’s not that I don’t want to tell you about our amazing adventures as we pillage the countryside, it’s just that there hasn’t been that many adventures to speak of. This tour has a great line-up, totally bitchin’ folks and great rooms but the drives have been brutal. Far bigger than a normal tour. Sure, every tour has a couple that make you cringe, but the amount of road we have to cover daily would have even the most road-scarred trucker calling his meth dealer. Don’t get me wrong, there’s no bitching coming from this camp, it’s just that I really don’t have much to tell you about unless you want to hear about how bad David’s farts smell or how a little piece of you dies when you catch yourself getting excited about truck stops that have diet Mt. Dew on the gun. Here I’ll give you a couple examples of what usually happens on tour and what’s happening this time around: New York, NY 3/25/11 Every other tour: Roll into town, grab...

Aaron noticed that one of the headlights was out on our way out the show, so we got up and found an auto parts store for a new one: (Insert “How many members of Red Fang does it take to change a light bulb?” Joke here) Oh shit! So am I at coffee shop right now and there is a guy in front of me on one of the house computers watching porn. Some crazy hardcore stuff too! Who the hell does that? Just chillin, drinking a cup of coffee, watching some Blacks On Blondes… It’s a nice place too, not some hole in the wall, there is a ton of people in here. The best part is Bryan in on the computer right behind him and doesn’t even notice. If he starts unbuttoning his pants I’m outta here. Where was I? Oh yeah, the Cleve’. Uh… I can’t pay attention, this guy is killing me. Pull it together Coyle. Okay. Blog. Let’s do this. What do you need to know? Umm… We drank beers out of this tub all night only to find out that someone puked in it and no one washed it before they put beer in it. That was nice....

Quick note: I put this in one solid post so you could read it in order instead of having to start at the bottom. Also this, like 99% of this blog, was written in the back of a van doing 75 MPH, crammed filled with a bunch of dudes crawling all over, filling said van with their own brand of noxious gasses and generally being distracting. So I apologize for any typos. You know what scratch that. No I don’t. You’re reading a blog written by a high school graduate about a bunch of dudes driving around the countryside playing heavy rock music. What do you expect, Hemmingway? All right we got a lot of ground to cover, you comfy? In your favorite chair, maybe a nice cup of coco or a white wine spritzer? Okay let’s go. Pontiac, Michigan 10/13/09 As to keep with his tradition of keeping me pissed off, John took yet another crap crowd photo: Surprise, huh? For the life of me I cannot remember the bartenders name at the Crofoot. but he is a hell of a nice guy. If you ever stop by keep an eye out ...

Cleveland, Ohio 3/07/09 We had a some time to kill so Bryan cleaned up a little before the show: Soon as we got out of the van I knew we were near the college, it might have had something to do with the two nineteen-year-old kids in front of the Chipotle jammin' out on a flute and a guitar. There was no tip jar or open guitar case, they were just throwin' out some jams for the burrito loving public. Man, the things you think will get you laid at nineteen, huh? Richmond, Virginia 3/08/09 Let's not pull any punches here, expectations were not high for this show. It was in a sushi bar, on a wednesday, and rumor had it that all the kids had left town for spring break. But, as has been the case lately, it turned out to be a rocker. We showed up to six different plates of sushi all about this size: Then RPG played: They completely tore the roof off the place. They were so tight that it was unbelievable. Not in the “You see the new spoiler on my Honda civic?” “Yeah Dog, that shi...