RED FANG

Twenty-two hours in the van. If it wasn't for gems to like this it would get pretty Lord Of The Flies ... —Coyle Tour To Live!

There’s no crowd photo. Don’t ask. I’ve been watching the cursor blink for about two hours now. Nothing. Can’t come up with a damn thing. My brain is fried. Too much time in the van, it’s not like nothing happened. It was Henry’s birthday and he still went out of his way to put on the show. That was awesome. We finally got to spend some of our Taco Bell bucks: That’s a whole lotta number three. Bryan and I got to do the last of some good-old-fashion smoking—inside like god intended. Nothing like smoking in the great indoors. The burning eyes, the smell of a heavily smoked shirt… Beacons back to a time when light cigarettes were considered a wise health choice and mayonnaise was still considered salad dressing. All this talk about healthy living makes me want a butt, we'll talk soon. —Coyle Tour To Live!

The two of you that follow this blog might remember the last time (scroll down) we played the Milestone was one for the record books, if they have a record for smallest crowd at a rock show to still produce a gushing head wound… This time around was a whole different ball of wax. The place went off! Remember when you were a kid and you’d be watching some movie where the main character wanders into a punk rock bar to use the phone and there is a show going off in the background where people are getting tossed around like Frisbees and beer is dripping from the ceiling, and you’d say to yourself “That’s bullshit. That never happens.”? It did last night. The highlight for the boys was when Benny jumped on stage to join in on Prehistoric Dog. David was happier than a mule eating garlic. That was until Benny’s riffs started to melt David’s face off his skull! Then Valient Thorr took the stage and did what they do best, whip the crowd into a frenzy that makes a school of feeding piranha loo...

All right we got a lot of ground to cover so I’m going to keep this short and sweet. You ready for an optical beer-bong of awesomeness? Then let’s do this. West Chester, PA. 11/16/09 The boys played at The Note, which besides being owned by Bam Margera is also home to The Glutton, which is the burger of your choice that, instead of buns, has two grilled cheese. John dropped in: Now as I said earlier, the club was owned by Bam and anyone who has watched the show Viva La Bam knows that it’s made up of a cast of guys from his hometown, one of them being Ryan Dunn. Ryan turned out to be one of the nicest guys on the planet. No joke. He’s the kind of dude that skips the handshake and goes right in for the hug, and means it. After about ten minutes of hanging out he invited both bands to crash at his house. We walked in the door and we wouldn’t let us make it past the kitchen without taking shots of this: “Old plum brandy” Not even plum brandy but “Old” plum brandy. Aaron liked it. Then he ...

Been a couple crazy days. Soon as I get my head on straight I'll give you the skinny. -- Post from Coyle's pocket.

I’m kinda bummed that I got so excited about the porn guy yesterday. That happened in Pittsburgh. Would have been such a great post for today, I couldn’t help my self though. Bryan was pissed that I didn’t take photos of the guy for the blog, but the last thing I wanted to do was get my ass kicked in a coffee shop by a dude with a boner. Should have done it, that would’ve have been an amazing ending to that story. That’s some shit to tell your grandkids about. “How did you get that scar Grampa?” “Well that’s a funny sorry, Billy…” Incase you have never been to the Iron City there is one thing you should know, they are deadly serious about football. Everywhere you go is a sea of yellow and black. Even Old Dirty Ron can’t escape: So we were a little worried when we rolled into town just in time to see the Steelers lose. They don’t take that kinda stuff lightly. In the end it was an awesome show. The Smiling Moose rules. They took care of us. Sound was great, crowd was awesome, can’t wait...

Aaron noticed that one of the headlights was out on our way out the show, so we got up and found an auto parts store for a new one: (Insert “How many members of Red Fang does it take to change a light bulb?” Joke here) Oh shit! So am I at coffee shop right now and there is a guy in front of me on one of the house computers watching porn. Some crazy hardcore stuff too! Who the hell does that? Just chillin, drinking a cup of coffee, watching some Blacks On Blondes… It’s a nice place too, not some hole in the wall, there is a ton of people in here. The best part is Bryan in on the computer right behind him and doesn’t even notice. If he starts unbuttoning his pants I’m outta here. Where was I? Oh yeah, the Cleve’. Uh… I can’t pay attention, this guy is killing me. Pull it together Coyle. Okay. Blog. Let’s do this. What do you need to know? Umm… We drank beers out of this tub all night only to find out that someone puked in it and no one washed it before they put beer in it. That was nice....

Guess you figured out how to use the camera? Nice work John. It only took a few hundred tries, but you got it. Thatta boy. We woke up in Chicago with only one thing on our minds: Kuma’s Corner . All other issues were null and void, it was time to put down a burger the size of a sub-compact car that was named after a metal band . The only problem was that being the idiots we are, no one thought that we were going to lose an hour when we got to Columbus. We were about half way through a plate of pulled pork fries when Cary mentioned it to us. You read that right. Pulled pork fries. Say what you will about the mid-west but they are not afraid to throw some pork around and I, for one, give that two thumbs way up. Back to the story, so with the added hour our new arrival time was now 9:30, and since the show started at 9:00 a panic came across the table. Luckily, they hadn’t plated our food yet so we had them throw it in some to-go boxes and made a mad dash for the freeway. A big thank you...