European Headliner Tour Part Two!

Good god damn, I gotta keep on this thing. What do I have like fourteen days to catch up on? With the way I type it will be another two before I’m done writing this entry, so I better keep it short and sweet.

Paris, France 4/11/12

This quite possibly could have been the hottest rock show since the dawn of civilization. It got so hot that Aaron stripped completely down to his underwear mid set, revealing what seems to be a union suit made out of woolly mammoth hair.

Some crowd members joined the fun and just went buck nanners:

Yup. And he was crowd surfing…


Tilburg, Netherlands (Roadburn Festival) 4/12/12

Check this shit out:

That’s right Red Fang beer, brewed just for Roadburn. That gave us ten cases, and that is why this is the only picture I have from Roadburn.

Torhout, Belgium 4/13/12

Right outside the door to the club was a six-by-six enclosed sort of corral with this sign in the middle:

He looks like he’s either having some troubles getting that thing out or he went a little heavy on the jalapenos the night before.

Marbehaben, Belgium 4/14/12

I have been to almost every show that Red Fang has ever played and I can say without a doubt that this was the drunkest crowd I have ever seen.

I should have been tipped off when before we loaded in there was puke splatter and a roach in the bathroom sink.

We’re talking, what appeared to be teenage kids, with their parents, barfing in the hallways:

It was like a high school dance sponsored by Bacardi and Ipecac.


Southampton, UK 4/15/12

I’m not sure if you guys out there have ever noticed but the boys wear the same clothes on stage every night. This high side of this is it cuts laundry in about half. The shit-covered side of the coin is that they carry around these sweat-drenched rags from show to show hoping they dry out overnight or they kind find a heater to dry them on:

Look at that hotbed of bacteria. I bet there is shit growing in there that could cure diseases that haven’t even been discovered yet. The bouquet coming out of this bag alone could gag a mortician:

Manchester, UK 4/16/12

Let’s play a little game called The Sleepy Time Championships with Aaron, Igor, Bryan and Athon:

Athon opens by cramming himself into a chair:

Aaron counters with the bomb shelter defense:

Igor comes out swinging with the old sleeping upright in the van with a water bottle pillow:

Not to be out done, Bryan whips out hanging half out of the loft offensive:

But Athon unleashes the deathblow with the mid-club/ on top of the table/ using a pack of water bottles in a beanie as a pillow for the win.

Well played gentlemen, well played.

Wrexham, UK 4/17/12

Wrexham? It damn near killed ‘em.

London, UK 4/18/12

Had a couple hours to kill before the show so the boys went and soaked in the sights in only the way Red Fang could:

After the show we made some new friends:

Then went for a couple light snacks.

Nijmegen, Netherlands 4/19/12

From what I heard people were literally hanging from the rafters at this show. I wouldn’t know because the room the show was happening in was like twenty feet away from the merch zone, and you know, that’s real far to walk.

Leeuwarden, Netherlands 4/20/12

We played in a prison. Do know how much ammo that gives me? There’s the whole “it was only a matter of time til we ended up here” angle. The fact that the word warden is in the name of the city. The Johnny Cash “Live at Leeuwarden Prison” slant where I make the boys come off like the c-string band at the Grand Ole Opry. And who can forget all the prison sex references! Holy crapballs, the prison sex references…

But instead when I think of Leeuwarden this will be forever burnt in my brain:

Yeah, try forgetting that.

It kind of makes me want to rip my eyeballs out and punch them for letting this image get into my brain.



Berlin, Germany (Desertfest) 4/21/12

By this point in the tour John’s hands were doing their best impression of a pepperoni pizza:

Which made him found new ways to take care of his daily needs:

Athens, Greece 4/22/12

We woke up way to early and hopped a flight all the way to Greece where we did not see Olivia Newton John or John Travolta once. Total rip off.

It wasn’t a total wash; we got to soak in a couple of the sites during the day. Made the hike up to the Acropolis:

Saw some local artists working on their craft:

After the show I met what is most likely the only person in Greece that reads the blog:

Who is probably going to be bummed that I’m so crisp right now that I can’t even come up with a segue for this:

That isn’t even photoshopped! Dude looks like a sketch in George Lucas’s “Creatures for Return Of The Jedi” diary.

Helsinki, Finland 4/24/12

Here is what I can tell you about Helsinki. They love some Karaoke. To the point that they see no reason you should not continue your serenading mid wiz.

Hamburg, Germany 4/25-26/12

Lots of people ask if we have picked up any of the languages on our travels. The truth is weare usually in one spot just long enough  to learn the survival basics such as: “One beer please,” and “Where is the hospital?,” but we have spent a pretty good amount of time in Germany on the last few tours and have figured out the basics.

Everyone in the US knows that when speaking to a Spanish speaker all you do is add “O” to the end of every word and speak louder, German is not that simple. There is no less than three ways to speak the native tongue of Deutschland.
1)    Respond to whatever people say to you by saying “Scheisse” in whatever inflection you think appropriate.
2)    Take the English noun and verb that best describes what you are trying to do, add “en” to the end of each word, and then cram them together. For example if you are trying to find the bathroom you would simply walk up to someone and say “Poopen-splashen?”
3)    Ask them if they speak English. They all do, and usually better than us.



—Coyle

Tour To Live!