RED FANG

So we’re driving across on I-80 when all the sudden this thing comes ploppin’ out of the sky. A real life twister! And don’t start with any of that “Oh that’s just a dust devil…” horseshit because this thing was huge. See those white dots on the bottom left and right? Those are houses. I was waiting to see Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton come running across the road. We were minutes away from having our own “I can’t believe I survived” specials. Then about twenty minutes later we got pulled over for, well, nothing. They originally told us it was for illegal tint, but as it went on it turned out they were looking for “Huge amounts of drugs and cash.” Seeing as none of us wanted a prostate check with a Billy club we kept from laughing in their faces. After searching the van and finding nothing but two half-full piss bottles and ninety-three empty fast food bags they sent us on our way. After a while we stopped to get a sandwich and heard over the radio that there was a extreme weather warnin...

Man, I’ve been slacking on this blogging thing this tour. It’s not that I don’t want to tell you about our amazing adventures as we pillage the countryside, it’s just that there hasn’t been that many adventures to speak of. This tour has a great line-up, totally bitchin’ folks and great rooms but the drives have been brutal. Far bigger than a normal tour. Sure, every tour has a couple that make you cringe, but the amount of road we have to cover daily would have even the most road-scarred trucker calling his meth dealer. Don’t get me wrong, there’s no bitching coming from this camp, it’s just that I really don’t have much to tell you about unless you want to hear about how bad David’s farts smell or how a little piece of you dies when you catch yourself getting excited about truck stops that have diet Mt. Dew on the gun. Here I’ll give you a couple examples of what usually happens on tour and what’s happening this time around: New York, NY 3/25/11 Every other tour: Roll into town, grab...

I think it’s pretty safe to say that this is one of the weirdest tours any of us have ever been on—a real rollercoaster of emotion. We rolled the van (holy shit!) but we’re only okay (fuck yeah!), might have to cancel the tour because unless we can find a van (dammit!), we got one for free (Hellz yeah!) and so on and so on… So it’s no surprise to anyone that the last few days kept up with theme. Austin, Texas We’ll start off in Austin. The VT guys had the night off so we put together our own show at Trophy’s. Rolling in to town with three hours ‘til load-in we headed over to our friends Jake and Adrienne’s house where we were treated to the best meal we’ve had since leaving home. Complete with vegetables that weren’t on top of truck stop burgers and fruit that wasn’t in Gummi form. We made our way to the show with the top button of our pants open and smiles on our faces. The show went off. Seeing as we were in Austin the boys even dusted off the Cherubs cover from the tour EP… Man, I’...