Des Moines, Iowa 5/24/11

So we’re driving across on I-80 when all the sudden this thing comes ploppin’ out of the sky.

A real life twister! And don’t start with any of that “Oh that’s just a dust devil…” horseshit because this thing was huge. See those white dots on the bottom left and right? Those are houses. I was waiting to see Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton come running across the road. We were minutes away from having our own “I can’t believe I survived” specials.

Then about twenty minutes later we got pulled over for, well, nothing. They originally told us it was for illegal tint, but as it went on it turned out they were looking for “Huge amounts of drugs and cash.” Seeing as none of us wanted a prostate check with a Billy club we kept from laughing in their faces. After searching the van and finding nothing but two half-full piss bottles and ninety-three empty fast food bags they sent us on our way.

After a while we stopped to get a sandwich and heard over the radio that there was a extreme weather warning. Not knowing where we were, the news was brushed off. Until we walked out side and noticed the wall of complete black about one mile down the road.

We spent the next thirty five minutes in the heart of the storm was to be later dubbed (and by later I mean right now) Cyclone Bristle Free because it was like being in a really pissed off car wash. Like if you tried to get your car washed in that movie Maximum Overdrive.





Now if we could just find a weather phenomenon that would get the foot and nine-day-old-sandwich-under-the-seat stench from the inside we’d be set.

—Coyle

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