RED FANG

Keeping the text to a minimum on this one because there's way too much to cover (remember), and I'm not nearly as witty as our dearly missed Road Chief, Chris Coyle. He'll be back on the Prehistoric Blog for the next tour , don't worry! This tour, we are in in Europe with the Ocean , Intronaut, and Earthship. Here's the bus we're sharing with the Introbors. First show was Wiesbaden, Germany. Totally bitchin' in every way. Jet lag schmet lag! After the show we partied with the locals and our new tour mates. Things got bromantic quickly. Next show was Bochum, Germany. I'm not gonna keep telling you what a great show every night was - just trust me, they have all been amazing! Now the lack of sleep is catching up, but the schedule at the beginning of this tour is brutal, so we catch whatever little cat naps we can. Lyngby, Denmark. Nuts! We had to leave super early in the morning because we had 2 shows this day. The first was a festival show som...

H.O.L.Y. F.U.C.K.I.N.G S.H.I.T. M.I.S.S.O.U.L.A. That show was off the chizzy. Fo’ shizzy. There could not be a better way to end a tour than that show. Well, that’s not true, but The Zepp isn’t getting back together anytime soon and I’m not exactly sure how you’d make beer bottles out of hot wings, so… We met a new friend in Missoula named Jason: It was like hanging out with a gigantic Teddy Bear all night. A twenty-five beer drinking, whole chicken eatin’, a mosh pit clearin’, bass playin’ Soundgarden crankin, Teddy Bear. Thanks for the hospitality buddy! As you read this, the boys are traipsing around the European countryside and I’m hoping that someone (hint, hint) is taking some photos and will start putting them up. That is, if they are not to busy eating brats and pouring schnauzer sized bottles of amazing beer on their faces. But even if that doesn’t happen keep tuned in because we have another big tour coming up in July. This time we will be heading out on the Mayhem Fest tou...

You know, lot’s of people complain about how hard it is to eat right and stay in shape on the road, which is why we tour with a home gym strapped to the van everywhere we go. Some might think it’s a little weird that we show up three hours early to every show just to make sure we can assemble it and have enough time to get our proper amount of pump in, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Rock and Roll ain’t about fun, this is business and part of that business is making sure their bodies look as good as possible for the millions of tween girls who spend their hard earned money on posters of the boys for their bedroom walls and locker doors. Aaron mostly works on his Hairybackulous muscles. While Bryan throws down about fifty lung push-ups. David goes with the full beard press. And John works on his Gluteus Napsimus. I know it looks brutal, but hey, no pain, no gain, right? —Coyle Tour To Live!

So we’re driving across on I-80 when all the sudden this thing comes ploppin’ out of the sky. A real life twister! And don’t start with any of that “Oh that’s just a dust devil…” horseshit because this thing was huge. See those white dots on the bottom left and right? Those are houses. I was waiting to see Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton come running across the road. We were minutes away from having our own “I can’t believe I survived” specials. Then about twenty minutes later we got pulled over for, well, nothing. They originally told us it was for illegal tint, but as it went on it turned out they were looking for “Huge amounts of drugs and cash.” Seeing as none of us wanted a prostate check with a Billy club we kept from laughing in their faces. After searching the van and finding nothing but two half-full piss bottles and ninety-three empty fast food bags they sent us on our way. After a while we stopped to get a sandwich and heard over the radio that there was a extreme weather warnin...

Man, I gotta start taking notes. The ‘ol memory is going the way of the pay phone these days, hard to locate and usually soaked in bum grade booze. Let’s see, the show was at The Cactus Club, that place rules, uh— dammit, what the hell happened? It must have been a good one, because I can’t remember a damn thing. —Coyle Tour To Forget!

As I mentioned in the beginning of this tour, we’re kind of a big deal these days and part of that is playing to hundreds of thousands a people a night. That’s why it’s no surprise that we were asked to play at Crew Stadium with Korn, A perfect Circle and a whole other slew of bands that sound exactly like us. At first we were a little put off, these bands had been touring for years and we didn’t want to steal their limelight. It would probably break their little metal hearts to see this arena packed butts to nuts with twenty-thousand Red Heads (On a serious note the term Red Heads is quite possibly the grossest thing that has ever been on this blog). So we agreed to do it, but only if we played first, after the local battle of the bands winner, on the smallest stage of the festival. We like to keep it real! But we still demanded that the gear had it’s own tent… …that there was a salad bar backstage with all our favorite salads: Macaroni, chicken, tuna and potato. And the fixin’s for o...

You know what’s stupid? A fifteen-year-old third grader. You know what else? The fact that neither John nor I got any photos from this night. We hung out with Vance , the total badass that mixed our record. But we were to busy hearing stories about hanging speaker systems that were so big they made the ceiling sag to get a photo. We all had real good meals, I could have taken some photos of that, but noooo . We met some real cool people like Jay, Josh and Jake but we didn’t get any photos of them. You know what there is photos of? This: That’s right, the bug covered front end of the van. Man, it’s a good thing this blog is free… —Coyle Tour To Live!